After a delightful kundalini yoga class and a nurturing gong meditation, I was in my usual state of peace, flow, and creativity as we entered into our closing song – The Long Time Sun. Snatum Kaur’s version of this song is amazingly soothing. As I check in to see who I will send my love and light to during this closing chant/song, I immediately think of my father. I am overcome with a wave of tears as I realize that I love him so much I am also feeling tremendous grief and a lack of power.
My father is living with the effects of a brain going through dementia, and while his transformation has mostly served to strengthen my beliefs in the power of the mind, there are times, like today, where I am humbled by how powerless we are to assist those we love to be “better” in health. I suppose it would help if I stopped making his brain “wrong” for not functioning the way mine does. Just because it creates uncomfortable situations when he sees things (hallucinations) that other people do not see, does not make what he sees right or wrong. Still, in this moment, at the end of the gong meditation, singing Long Time Sun – I am feeling the all consuming power of powerlessness.
I suddenly have a whole new respect and appreciation for what clairvoyants and channelers must go through when discovering their gifts and learning to share them with the world.
What I love is that I am in a kundalini class. There is a small group, and tonight my guides had me set up in the back corner of class (normally I sit up front and as close to the gong as possible!), so I just let the tears (and snot) flow while others sang and went through grief, sorrow, hopelessness, and despair. I am not sharing this to elicit sympathy. I merely want to acknowledge that there is great power in all emotions, and that from a place of deep love can also come deep pain. I embrace them both. But I also do what I know I can to return to deep love and rest inside that power and freedom and truth.
So today’s perspective is to recognize and honour the power of grief (or any emotion that you perhaps didn’t wake up thinking – boy oh boy I am so excited to experience X today!) and allow it to move you. Allow it to consume your entire body. Express it any way that feels natural. Be vulnerable in sharing that expression with others as much as possible. Power is not always something we wield, or control. It is always something we experience and feel in our bodies however. So just be present to what you are feeling when grief arises. It is ok to be sad. It is ok to feel helpless. It is ok to love someone so much and not want to see them suffer. You are not alone. They are not alone. We are all in this together. Sharing. Being. Amazing Lovers.